Strangers that became Sisters

We've grown up together
Been through life altering problems
And Laughed at them
While we cried over the small ones
Or was it the other way around?

You know me just as wall
As I know myself
I've never had to watch what I say
Never had to walk on egg shells
You've love me just the way I am

Now you're falling in love
The way you talk about him
Leaves no doubt about that
I can see it in your eyes
In your smile

But I have no fear ,
Fore I know you're still there for me
Because some things can never change

My only fear is for you,
I never want to see you hurt
Never want to dry your tears
But you know I will

So here's my hope:
May this love be true
May this be "the One"
Because I love you too much
To ever see you hurt

We've been stuck together
Through the ups and downs
We've been through life together
And through it all
We've become SISTERS

Won't you open your eyes
And see those around you
It is not all about you
You can't always get your way

Can't you open your eyes
And see that others have
Wants, Needs and Thoughts too
It is not only you

You drive me nuts
Stop telling us all what to do
Show some respect
And maybe just once
You could listen to someone else

Won't you just open your eyes
See that you're not the only one
It is not all about you



So a new person to look up would be Jamestown Story, the sound a lot like Secondhand Serenade. Main instrument in some of the songs being an acoustic guitar and well thought out lyrics.

"In Loving Memory" Jamestown Story
You said yourself before
Where are you?
I'm needing you much more
I bet you never knew

And now everything
Is gonna fall apart
I need you here
Not just in my heart

"In this moment; I feel so much lighter; In this moment; I can breath; Cause what I give to you; Comes right back to me" "Harmony" but Susie Suh

Won't you smile
Just once in awhile
Come to me
And let me hold you
I'll dry all your tears

Your smile is amazing
It can lighten up
Any darkened room
So won't you smile
Just once in awhile

I know you've had your battles
You fought long and hard
But now you're tired
So come to me
And rest your head on my shoulder

Won't you smile
That amazing smile
Just once in awhile


Right now the song stuck in my head is "I Need You to Love Me" by Barlow Girl
"But I need You to love me, and I
I won't keep my heart from You this time
And I'll stop this pretending that I can
Somehow deserve what I already have
I need You to love me"

But as I'm thinking about the song I'm thinking of all those I love. And wanting them to know how much I love them and always will. I need God's love, I need him to forgive me my transgressions. I need to feel needed. He made me with a plan, and I hope that I'm living up to his plans. Some times though I just wish he'd let me in a little bit on those plans, just give me a hint.

I need you to see me
The real me
The one that's vulnerable
The one with scars

I need you to look past this image
The image you carry around
Because that's not me

I need you to see me
The real me
The one that cries at night
The one that is tired of being alone

When you look at me
You choose to see what you need
But I can't be that image
Because that is not me
Because that will never be me





You treat me as though I am a child
But look at me I have grown
I stand proud,
I stand tall

I no longer need you
To tell me what to do
Because I know what to do

I need you to see me as I am
I need you to see the adult I've become

Just open your eyes
And you will see
That before you
No longer stands a child
But a woman,
Who can stand on her own

I still love you
You must know I always will
But I need you
To treat me with respect
I need you to treat me as an adult
Because while you were gone
That is what I have become

You treat me as though I am a child
But look at me I have grown
I stand proud,
I stand tall


I know that the two poems almost contradict each other. The first one is more about someone seeing the faults in you, your weaknesses. Because I fear that too many times you see someone as who you need them to be and not who they are. The second one is about becoming an adult. I hate being talked down to, or told what to do. Yes you may be older than I am but I'm not 5, I'm 20 and as so deserve to be treated with respect. I am no longer the young little sister, I can think for myself and make up my own mind. I don't need to be pushed around.

You make me laugh
Even when I want to cry
You always know what to say
To make it all okay

You've seen all my scars
And never shuddered away
You've even helped
Wash away the pain

You always seem to know
Just what to say
When I'm on the brink
Of loosing it all

I know that no matter what happens
You'll always be there

You make me laugh
Even when I want to cry
You always know what to say
To make it all okay

This love I feel for you
Brings a smile to my heart
And tears to my eyes

I hold you in my arms
And I know that everything will be alright
You, my dear one,
You bring love

You've yet to live life
You've yet to see the world
While you still can
Enjoy this beautiful bubble
Surrounded in love

I hold you in my arms
Watching you sleep
Hoping you nothing but sweet dreams

This love I feel
Brings a smile to my heart
And tears to my eyes

May you only know love,
My dear one
My young one,
May you only know love

Sorry my writings will probably continue to be sporadic until after the first of the year. Everything is crazy in my life right now.



I play my part everyday
With this fake smile on my face
I go where I should
Do what is needed
Behave as expected

But someday it will all fall apart
Because I can’t hide forever
This smile is fading away
To show my true feelings

I play my part everyday
With this fake smile on my face
But when I’m alone
It all comes crashing down
This “Me” you see
Its not real any more

I’m losing myself to this part I must play
I play the part to well
With a fake smile on my face
I go where I should
Do what is needed
Behave as expected

But one day
One day soon
This mask of a smile will come crashing down
One day, One day
My smile will fade away

Be Careful What You Wish For, It Might Just Come True

I dreamed of a white Christmas
And my dream came true
But it wasn't what I'd expected
Because my white Christmas kept me from you

The snow came falling down
Came down so hard that no one could see
Came down so much that it wasn't safe

I dreamed of a white Christmas
And my dream came true
But it wasn't what I'd expected
Because it kept me from you

So be careful what you wish full
Next time I'll just wish for you
Because what good are my dreams with out you

Everything changes
It seems the world I know is disappearing
Everything is changing

Each day is a new start
Nothing is the same
The world I know is quickly slipping away

Everything changes
Everything is changes
Everything has changed
My world has disappeared.

You didn't know, will you ever know?

These past days I have felt so lost, like I'm in my own lonely world watching everything fade away. I need a friend to talk to but what would I say if I got the chance. What are the words I need to say, how can I explain? What could they say? My mind is so cloudy tonight, with so many thoughts running through. I can't read and I can't watch TV. I've been trying to write it out but its just bring all those buried feelings out. They won't go away. Sometimes I wonder who really cares, and who is just there. I wonder if anyone truely knows me.

I'm dying a little more everyday
And I wonder if you know
How much I'm losing this uphill battle

Everyday I wake up knowing
I need to fight a little harder
But I don't know how much fight I have left
I don't know how much more I can take

And I want to lean on you so bad
But at some point
Don't I need to stand on my own

I'm dying a little more everyday
And I wonder if you know
How much I"m losing this uphill battle

I'm dying a little more everyday
I haven't got much left
I think someday all of me will be gone.



If I were gone one day
Would you miss me
Would you even notice

Sometimes I wonder
If you even see the real me
See the broken little girl in me
The one that's been betrayed, lied to,
The one that's been beaten and bruised
The one that has been kicked too many times to get up

Do you need me
The way I need you
Do you know how much I depend on you
Do you know the power you hold
How easily you could make me cry
How easily you could break my heart

Sometimes I wonder
If you even see the real me
The little girl inside
Coverd with too many scars


Looking around for music today I found Renee Stahl and I like most of her music, though some of her songs are a little to techy for me. She is not as folk and as acoustic as I've into but I found this song and feel as if it was written for me. (No I'm not that egotistical to think that she wrote it for me, but more like written for those that feel the same way.) Its called "You Didn't Know"

whoever told you that you were not good enough
no need to know why, it’s just a lie
however long ago, somebody told you so when you decide, it’s just a lie

chorus

you didn’t know that you were enough
you didn’t know so you give up

no matter what they say, don’t throw the truth away you‘ll see in time… it was a lie
even when it gets hard don’t forget who you are when you decide, it’s just a lie

chorus

you didn’t know that you were enough
you didn’t know so you give up
but what if I told you that you were loved
what if you knew that you were loved

chorus

My Hero

The fear of losing you
Haunts me day and night
I hold on so tight
To your love

I've had you my whole life
How will I pass the days without you
Without seeing your crocked smile
Without hearing I love you

The fear of losing you
Haunts me day and night
I hold on so tight
To your love

You held my hand
And let me cry on your shoulder
What will I do without you
My Hero

The fear of losing you
Haunts me day and night
So I hold on so tight
To your love
For, one day it will be gone


So I have been busy, that's why I haven't written in 5 days. Work is crazy and I just finished final week on Friday. Now I've got to get ready for Christmas and all the family coming in time. A time of fun and love but also stress of conflicting personalities.

Try listening to Susan Suh if your looking for new music. I found here because she sang a song with Peter Bradley Adams. Her song "Shell" is amazing. It talks about tearing down your walls and knowing you don't have to hide behind your shell any more.

I heard her story
I saw her tears
And I realized that one day
That could be me

I refuse to live everyday in fear
Though sometimes it does sneak up on me
And I realize all I have to lose

I heard her story
I saw her tears
And I realized that one day
That could me

Nothing but time and love can heal the pain

So defenseless, so helpless
There is nothing I can do
This struggle is all your own
I never know what to say
Never know what to do

I see your pain
Your heart so beaten, so bruised
Yet there is nothing I can do

It kills me to know
This time, the fight
Is your own


I think the hardest thing is to see a loved one suffereing and in pain. There are no words to be said, no actions to be done that can make up for what they've lost. All you can do is be there, hold a hand and whisper I Love You. For nothing but love and time can heal the pain.

What is wrong with
I go through this world everyday
But you never see me
How is it you can see right through me

I go through the same streets everyday
With a pleasant smile on my face
And still I wonder
Will you ever see me

So I soldier on each day
Going my own way
Doing my own thing
Hoping that one day you will see me

I go though this world everyday
But you never see me
Can you see right through me?

Today I'm listening to Holly Brook's cd "Like Blood Like Honey". She just seems to say all that I need to say and all I'm feeling from "Heavy" to "Saturday" her music just fits my mood.

"Still Love"
Every rain makes its way into somebody's song
As a way to relieve the pain
This one is calling me out of my shelter
To face the truth
But i still love


May the rain come into my song and relieve some of my pain, let it wash it all away and one day I will move on and be the me God always intened me to be.

"Life without music is a mistake" Friedrich Nietzche

Found that quote today and it summed up my view of music and life. I don't know what I would do with the extra silence if all the music were to go away.

So the music I'm listening today is William Fitzsimmons. His lyrics are honest, raw, and painful. You can tell that his music truly does come from his heart. Mixes piano and guitar well with a great beat from the drums. (I need to learn how to describe what I hear better, maybe someday I'll become more educated who knows?)
Looked up his bio and what I found really interesting is that both his parents were blind and were in love with music and instruments and that's where he got his passion from. Also I would love to know the female that does his background vocals because she is pretty awesome too.




You envelope me in love I've never known
You held my had and led me home
You made me believe in myself like no one ever has

Now I know I can do it all
Climb all those mountains
Swim the seven seas
All because you said you Love me

You'll never let me go
Never leave my side

With you by my side an can do anything
All my monsters disappeared
You gave me the strength I needed

I did it all
All because you Love me

You envelope me in love I've never known
You held my had and led me home
You made me believe in myself like no one ever has

Hold on
Hold on to my love
I know your pain
I know how you hurt
But you deserve so much better
So hold on to my love
For I'll never hurt you
I won't be like her

Your loved with all your heart
She just walked away
She didn't feel a thing
She knew no pain

Then one day she came back
And you thought everything would be okay
Until she left you again

Hold on
Hold on to my love
Let it wash over you
Let it heal all your pain

So hold on to my love
For I'll never hurt you
I won't be like her


So I'm a big fan of iTunes and the fact that they have a list of "Listeners also bought" I could spend days and days on there looking for new music. Today I hit the jackpot! I found an artist Peter Bradley Adams and then I went to Myspace to listen to his full album and looked up lyrics and I feel in love with his music. The lyrics are completely different from anything I've ever heard before, completely from the heart and different view from anyone else's. Maybe the word is eloquent. "Heart of a Girl", "Lay your head down", and "Little Stranger".

"Unreconciled"
"Is it hard to live in silence
when I look you in the eyes
well you crave forgiveness
but still don't apologize
is it love that you're afraid of
in the words that you ignore
well we made a promise
but we can't stay here anymore"

I've followed you through the darkest fest
Over the roughest mountains
Hoping to find that beautiful meadow
With a gentle breeze and plenty of sunlight

But now I'm stuck
I don't know where I am
I don't know where to go

You told me to follow you
But now I can't hear you
I'm stuck in this dark abyss
With no compass, no map

I keep trying to get out
But its like going in circles
I know you're still here with me
But where is here?
Where does here lead?

I've followed you through the darkest forest
Over the roughest mountains
Only to be stuck in an unknown dark abyss
Still hoping to find that beautiful meadow
With a gentle breeze and plenty of sunshin

I see you fading away more everyday
Everytime I see you I wonder
How much longer I'll have you
I always tell you I love you
and you always say I love you back
But how much longer will you be mine
I see you fadinga away more everyday
I know you love me
But how many more times will you tell me
When its your time to go
I know there is nothing I can do to hold you here
You know I love you and always will
Just as you love me and always have
But how many more times will I hear you tell me
I see you fading away more everyday.

"I can take a wrong turn, you're right behind me; crash and burn, I know you'll find me; as long as you're here; I'm invincible"

"Invincible" by Chantal Kreviazuk is an amazing song that I've been listening to. I have also been listening alot to Kari Kimmel, and both of them have heart felt lyrics with amazing piano accomponyament. That is where their similarities end. Their voices are great but completly different.

So I got 3 exams done this week and 2 projects! WHoooohooooo! But I still have a 12 page paper, presentation and 2 exams for next week. Only 2 of my classes are complty done but I'll live and make it through. Tonight I have to work for 6 hours but then I'm getting a 4 day weekend off. First weekend off since September, its about time.

Today's poem is one I wrote awhile back about a lost friend.

“Misconceptions”

Sitting all alone in my own little world
all I have is the music in my head

I thought I knew you
I thought I knew it all
But then you left me
All alone

Sitting in my own little world
Hidden, lost in thought
All I have is the sad, sad
Music in my head.

Why’d you lie
Why’d you change
What happen to the you, I knew

Same song plays over and over again
Same sad song
About what once was
And what could have been

I thought I knew you
I thought I knew it all
But then you left
And now

I sit all alone
In my own little world
All I have is the music in my head

Finals

So the past few weeks have been insanely busy with work and school I had a project in all but 1 of my classes and I have finals in all of them and it seems like I have been scrambling to get everything done on time. Since high school I been writing and somehow I wanted to put some of my stuff out but I didn't want it on my myspace or facebook so here is where I decided to put it. Here is a little bit of whats been going on in my head.

It just seems so hard all the time
Fighting all my fears
Pushing for my dreams
When everyone says they won’t come true

Everything is slipping away
I’m starting not to care
And still I fight
I fight to keep my head above the water

When everything is changing
I don’t know where I’m going
And still I fight
Fight to keep my dreams alive

I don’t know
How much longer I can fight to keep my dreams alive
How much longer I can stand all alone
How much longer I can keep my head above the water

It just seems so hard all the time
Fighting all my fears
Pushing for my dreams
When everyone says they won’t come true

And I have some great friends who are always there for me and I try to do the same for them. So this is something I wrote thinking about how nice it is to complain to them and just let out all my problems.

As I hold your hand in mine
I can’t tell you it will be okay
All I can say is, I’ll never leave

Together we fight these demons
We stand in the rain
Hoping for that ray of light

Only we know how much was lost
How many tears were shed
But I’ll dry your tears
Because you’ve dried mine

I can’t tell you that it will be okay
But together we will fight these demons
I know that I can’t make it all go away
But I can stay until it finally gives up
Never will you have to stand alone

As I hold your hand in mine
I can’t tell you it will be okay
All I can say is, I’ll never leave


Well, now I really have to finish studying for my test tonight and get ready for the one tomorrow, so wish me luck!

P.S. I'll try and start writing more often. (Even if I'm the only person who sees it.)

"How you ever gonna know, what it's like when dreams become reality...if you never take a chance" Garth Brooks

So yesterday was crazy for me! I had a test on Wed. morning so I stayed up till 1130 studying for it, and got up at 6 to finish studying. Then Wed. I got out of class and went straight to work, which was were the craziness started. It really was hectic, there was so much to do I didn't get out until 930, and I was supposed to get out at 500! My feet hurt so badly that when I finally sat down I didn't want to get up and walk to bed. I could have fallen asleep there. Luckily I didn't have any homework to do. Today wasn't so bad I just had to finish up some things that didn't get done yesterday. Looking at the times that I just gave doesn't look so bad but I love my sleep and only getting 6 or so the night before is what killed me. Tonight I'm studying for another test and then I sleeping! If I'm lucky I'll get to sleep by 10.

Today I bought the CD "One Cell In the Sea" by A Fine Frenzy. Right now my favorite songs from that are "Whisper", "Near to You", and "Think of You". The music is really soothing. Its just the right mix of piano and guitar and her voice, which is soft and definitely one of a kind.
Besides A Fine Frenzy, I am listening to the Goo Goo Dolls. I know that they were bigger in the late 90's early 00's but I've heard one of their songs on the radio the other day and knew most of the words but didn't know what it was called or who it was by. I love finding songs like that, you know them by heart but don't know who its by and then randomly one day you here it on the radio and its like meeting an old friend. This may sound stupid, but when I hear a song on the radio that I haven't heard in forever, and it plays at a moment when I'm down or upset about something its like getting a little reminder from God telling me that everything is going to be okay. I always feel better after listening to that little gift.

Last note about music, this morning when I didn't want to get up the song "I'm Not Dead Yet" by Pink came on, and I thought it was so funny because I was exhausted and didn't want to get up. The irony in it definitely made getting up easier.

I start my internship on Monday, and I must be honest I am a little nervous about it. Its important to me and could potentially really help me getting my dream job so I feel my own pressure. I also feel pressure because I feel like I'm not good enough, or don't know enough of what they need me too. I'll just have to learn quick, and mostly just believe in myself. A person's attitude can change everything. Because if I don't try, I don't take that chance, I'm never going to know.

1st blog

Hey,

I'm Megan. You may be asking why are you starting a blog? Well why not. I am currently a college student, sales associate at a store in the mall, and next week will be starting an internship and thought that I might write about what its like for me as a college student. No promise it'll be interesting, and definitely won't tell you everything but what I do tell will be the honest to goodness truth. Oh and please don't mind the grammar problems.